I think it’s hard sometimes, to see growth. We see it there. But it’s hard to grasp. We are too afraid to say something. To acknowledge it, in fear of a negative response. What had once been a space of curiosity is now a space of intrusion. Yet, this is the gate way to re-open these spaces. Reclaim them for love. How can we limit love like that? If we have not even entered the space of understanding without judgement. It is true, that people follow the same patterns. You become selfish, because you’ve grown used to the same pattern. It reminds me of a memory with a lover once “every morning he would see me make oats and then I’d put blueberries in it, he would look at me – as if I was going to ask him “would you like some berries too?”, instead he would sometimes take it when I couldn’t see him (or when he thought I didn’t see him) and we would move on with our mornings, sometimes it would erupt in small fights”. It was not the berries that had caused the fighting, but rather the assumption – that was bothersome. A team had shared the berries, but here was a situation where independency was more important. Sometimes, these actions are driven by selfishness but other times, it’s a way of creating a space of the self. It is not about the berries but rather the idea of creating something that is yours. This is something that I deem important in relationships: an interdependence. Yet, this is hard to do when living the mundane life with limited resources. You seek out to have “events”, whether they be good or bad, because you’re not at peace with yourself. Or rather, that you aren’t allowing yourself to be alone within your relationship. I think many of us, have done a share of mistakes by assuming positions about the other person without asking and without looking.
I’m still of the opinion, that if love is there, it is real. It is a matter of breaking the patterns, breaking the normalcy of co-dependence and create a space of freedom and mutual agreements in a team effort. If you still love someone, it’s worth to re-create a safer space or even a better place through conversation. I don’t mean the kind of fluffy conversation, when you put yourself in a corner and don’t want to listen to your loved one, but rather the reflective one. The kind we use to help someone in need. Fear is a reaction of rejection and the unknown. Here, I think many act-like strangers. Instead of acting out on the new growth and the possibility of a more secure relationship, we close ourselves in and continue to be afraid. It’s useless. This fear is completely useless unless there’s something deeply rooted in our lives that we have never dealt with, like childhood trauma. Even still, this usually creeps into the relationship in different ways like commitment issues. Being afraid of committing despite seeing a future and loving that person. To a certain degree, we’re all victims of it. Instead of jumping the gun so to speak, when talks of marriage are discussed, we neglect and put a stop on it. This eventually turns into a vicious cycle of repetition and rejection. We also put too much value on other people. When they’re not the ones in the relationship. A celebration of love is every day, not on a special occasion. We rejoice being in love because it’s a supreme feeling. One of my favorite songs by jazz artist Coltrane, said it best in his composition “a love supreme”. With few lyrics, the emotions are expressed in abstract musical notes in a landscape that make you higher and higher. Love is the essence, not dependency. We should not cry over growth, when that is a beautiful thing. We should celebrate it. Lovers can come and go in and out together, in a symbiosis like yin and yang if it’s within love. Here we should give space to the growth and understanding. Leave for a time and then come back. I’m not speaking of abuse or neglect, where power is more important than the love itself. Usually, those people have resentment and the love is gone in their eyes. I’m speaking of those individuals; whose love is so vibrant when together and when people look at their eyes, they see the joy of love. Free spirits like myself are strange, we long for another free spirit yet want to remain independent. I think it’s good to a certain extent, but we should try and communicate better. Ultimately, love can heal if reasonable tools are used. Love for self. Love for love. Love for others. Love for your partner.We need more love in this world, not more fear and violence. Forgive and love, only then can you become a a love muse in higher knowledge growth.
– Miss x
(Painting by Rothko – a fellow artist, I admire deeply for his emotional expression)
Dreaming in the Now 