the silent voice…

My grandmother passed away some days ago and I’m dealing with a silent voice in my head. The first few days I cried. This came right after my cousins passing three weeks ago, so death has been a current life event, these past 6 weeks and I was not prepared for any of it. I also hear things more vividly in my dreams. Sometimes, it’s like I’m watching the movie of my life and I’m the director, shouting lines at myself (as the actress) and other participants. I used to be a heavy believer of telepathy, in some regards, I still do believe in it because before the passing of my cousin and grandmother, I had some dreams of them and I never do. But in all of this silent, one voice echoes more, the one who said, he’d always be there for me… Yes, I know, past lovers, are cut out and instantly become a memory of the past, yet it feels strange to not receive that message… “I’m sorry for your loss”… It doesn’t create anything, but we both believed we had a telepathic relationship, I suppose, it was all imaginary and based on the emotions of love at that point in life. As I’m writing this, I also know that good things will come to me. My grandmother was an early womanist, as well as a fighter for indigenous and black people’s rights, I didn’t know her very well, because we lived quite far apart, but she was still my grandmother. My cousin was a beautiful soul, she loved animals and was a peaceful person that believed in individuality.

Right now, I can’t shed no more tears… but I hear your silent voices in the night. It lingers on like a melody without an instrument.

-miss x

 

(I have not checked my grammar because this is how I feel currently.)

Dreamers

 

 

They say we are all dreamers, flying high in the sky without real understanding of the world.

We are not to be taken seriously because we are spontaneous by nature, yet we have what they so unconsciously desire to have.

Freedom.

My dreams may seem weak to certain people, but it makes me soar in the indefinite of time.

I see myself much clearer in such dreams, instead of clinging to the notion of a grey reality.

To realize oneself through dreams, is something quite extraordinaire and beautiful.

The big pigs with their suits on, can tell us to obey time but since time is no rule for us, we can walk freely on this earth. 

As I dream myself away to a paradise with crystalline blue waters , I see glimpses of a brighter future for all of us. 

 

– Miss X

 

Painting by the great Picasso. The dreamer 1932. 

Black Lace.

A face without eyes stared at her,confusingly making her reminisce all that she had lost.

She felt the room getting smaller while the shadows started nestling with the black lace covering her face.

White birds whistling melodies unheard to human ears, thus creating anxiety deep within her soul.

Restless nights without answers, called her back home.

Her memories swiftly turning into an avalanche of chaos inside her head,
made her children remain young forever,
trapped in a memory that could only repeat itself.

Faces so utterly beautiful,
that could only be created in the mind of a great painter,
remained silent.

Voices distant and colorless, echoed in her mind.

The food was tasteless and the mysterious voices of unheard children,

that she had once known arose a feeling of distance.

She was lonely and deeply concerned with those that had not yet seen her.
Although the black lace covering her face, gave more questions than answers they would forever remain riddles unanswered. 

All the walls that had exploded inside her body, made her fly with  thoughts created in her subconsciousness. 
Earthly sounds were distant and would now silently only become echoes of a past life.

/Miss X

(I’ll never know you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love you…) 

Nocturne Clown.

 

Original piano piece and original free words.. 

Brilliant Ideas.

I’ve always found it interesting how brilliant ideas always seem to come when you least expect it or when you are busy listening to someone else or doing something that shouldn’t really give you ideas that good, because you should be interested in the things you are doing.This is exactly what happened to me today, while listening to my music teacher speak about Beethoven and Amadeus Hoffmann in his German accent, I just started to develop a little movie in my mind.   Some of the best ideas (a story) came to me and I just stopped listening to Beethoven and my teacher talking, because I was somewhere else. My ideas were so strong that I felt as if I was somewhere else and that’s when I know my life has to be dedicated to the arts. I just couldn’t imagine myself sitting in an office or do something that I don’t really have a passion for, when my heart and soul would be somewhere else. 

My cousin who died at the young age of 23, some years ago was an artist (painter) at heart but had to become an economist and eventually became depressed with his life and I don’t know all the details but I believe had he pursued his dreams, he might have still been here. More often than not, we confine ourselves with ideals that aren’t in our hearts and because we need money we do things that go against our natural being, when we should do things that we love in life because that’s what will make us better people and make a contribution to society. 

We shouldn’t let our natural beings be forced into doing other things we don’t want to do, but rather let it flow naturally and only then can brilliant ideas occur when we are in complete freedom… 

-Miss X 

 

(I have to write something about Romanticism and the romantic era and how much of an influence it is in my life…)