My grandmother passed away some days ago and I’m dealing with a silent voice in my head. The first few days I cried. This came right after my cousins passing three weeks ago, so death has been a current life event, these past 6 weeks and I was not prepared for any of it. I also hear things more vividly in my dreams. Sometimes, it’s like I’m watching the movie of my life and I’m the director, shouting lines at myself (as the actress) and other participants. I used to be a heavy believer of telepathy, in some regards, I still do believe in it because before the passing of my cousin and grandmother, I had some dreams of them and I never do. But in all of this silent, one voice echoes more, the one who said, he’d always be there for me… Yes, I know, past lovers, are cut out and instantly become a memory of the past, yet it feels strange to not receive that message… “I’m sorry for your loss”… It doesn’t create anything, but we both believed we had a telepathic relationship, I suppose, it was all imaginary and based on the emotions of love at that point in life. As I’m writing this, I also know that good things will come to me. My grandmother was an early womanist, as well as a fighter for indigenous and black people’s rights, I didn’t know her very well, because we lived quite far apart, but she was still my grandmother. My cousin was a beautiful soul, she loved animals and was a peaceful person that believed in individuality.
Right now, I can’t shed no more tears… but I hear your silent voices in the night. It lingers on like a melody without an instrument.
-miss x
(I have not checked my grammar because this is how I feel currently.)
Dreaming in the Now 